my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
