wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
