We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
