I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
