You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
