In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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