dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
