Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
