Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
