i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my phone needs a breathalizer
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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