My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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