he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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