i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
