there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
