fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
40s are totally the cure
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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