My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
