I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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