Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
