can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
