she kept yelling 'call me bella'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
