I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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