do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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