She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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