I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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