He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
