we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
