he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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