aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
