Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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