The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
