Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
