Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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