We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
