Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!