I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
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Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.