I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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