I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.