America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
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Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!