At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.