she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.