FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it