help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
