proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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