My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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