And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
