when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
