Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
