I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
