Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
