Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
