Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
