Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
