Swine flu is the new snow day.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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