I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
