I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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