you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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