2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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