garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
