Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
