Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
