I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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