I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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