the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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