By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
