I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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