the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
