Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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