he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
