i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
