I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
